I’m in the same boat. I spend more time setting up my productivity tools than I do being productive. I feel energized by the thought of being efficient yet fail a lot of the time to follow through on that idea.
I should be able to be productive is the "should be able to" that bothers me. It feels as though everyone else has that first part down and I'm still here fighting to even move toward anything.
The one that gets me the most is, “You should know better.” Even though I only learned that I had ADHD a few years ago, I still feel so much shame when I’m unable to focus on the tiny tasks at work.
In a recent therapy session I said a lot of things followed by "... and I know better." And it certainly was in regards to shame. I was reminded to sit with the discomfort and follow through, that has been my mantra lately. Perseverance is the way.
This one hit, I've spent the last couple of years with the mantra 'say goodbye to Shame' on repeat in my head. It's taken a while but I feel so much less shame about myself now.
I've embraced the scaffolding I need to change the bedding or to do the cat's flea treatment(so many task reminders on my phone but if i don't see it i wont remember), I remember that not everyone is going to like me and that's not my fault.
If the house is a bit messy, it's not that I'm a failure of a person, it's just that I haven't gotten round to tidying it yet.
It is possible to reframe the Shame.
Fuck Shame, it keeps us all down, it's used as a weapon against us all. I've lived in fear of it all my life. It's taken a few years but my relationship with Shame is so much different now. You can
I should be able to have everything ship shape & squared away, house maintenance, yard maintenance, vehicle maintenance, pet maintenance, health maintenance, go above & beyond at work, be present for anyone who needs me, pantry stocked, ready to entertain guests at a moment's notice, & any hobbies or pastimes must be performed at a level that suggests I could go pro... because to be less means I shouldn't offend the world by trying. Well. I pay my bills on time because autodraft! When I finally internalized "I'm elderly, I'm going to die sooner than later" I realized my last thought won't be "damn I should have done more chores".
"I should be able to hold myself accountable" ... for waking up on time, for hitting a deadline, for staying on task at work, for keeping my home clean, you name it.
Mine is “I should be able to provide structure and routine for my kids”. I mean, I’ve never been able to do that for myself, but of course I’m a terrible mother because they don’t eat meals containing all 17 food groups at the exact three times every day, right? It’s hard though, because I’ve craved routine my entire life and I know they do too, but I just can’t do it. So I just feel guilty, like all the time.
I should be able to get started on the first task and not let it snowball into days and weeks and months and years of putting it off and not getting it started or done already
here's a popular one:
I should be able to escape the adhd paralisys
💯
I’m in the same boat. I spend more time setting up my productivity tools than I do being productive. I feel energized by the thought of being efficient yet fail a lot of the time to follow through on that idea.
I feel like my one is “I should be able to start and complete the thing.” This evokes a lot of shame.
I should be able to be productive is the "should be able to" that bothers me. It feels as though everyone else has that first part down and I'm still here fighting to even move toward anything.
The one that gets me the most is, “You should know better.” Even though I only learned that I had ADHD a few years ago, I still feel so much shame when I’m unable to focus on the tiny tasks at work.
In a recent therapy session I said a lot of things followed by "... and I know better." And it certainly was in regards to shame. I was reminded to sit with the discomfort and follow through, that has been my mantra lately. Perseverance is the way.
The Should that bugs me most is:
‘I should be able to avoid overcommitting and to just say No’.
One of my favorite things to remind myself: don’t should all over myself.
This one hit, I've spent the last couple of years with the mantra 'say goodbye to Shame' on repeat in my head. It's taken a while but I feel so much less shame about myself now.
I've embraced the scaffolding I need to change the bedding or to do the cat's flea treatment(so many task reminders on my phone but if i don't see it i wont remember), I remember that not everyone is going to like me and that's not my fault.
If the house is a bit messy, it's not that I'm a failure of a person, it's just that I haven't gotten round to tidying it yet.
It is possible to reframe the Shame.
Fuck Shame, it keeps us all down, it's used as a weapon against us all. I've lived in fear of it all my life. It's taken a few years but my relationship with Shame is so much different now. You can
I should be able to have everything ship shape & squared away, house maintenance, yard maintenance, vehicle maintenance, pet maintenance, health maintenance, go above & beyond at work, be present for anyone who needs me, pantry stocked, ready to entertain guests at a moment's notice, & any hobbies or pastimes must be performed at a level that suggests I could go pro... because to be less means I shouldn't offend the world by trying. Well. I pay my bills on time because autodraft! When I finally internalized "I'm elderly, I'm going to die sooner than later" I realized my last thought won't be "damn I should have done more chores".
I've escaped the shoulds! But it wasn't easy and it has taken years---but it is so worth it!
It's hard work isn't it, but totally worth it 👌
I should be able to just do it. All of it.
“Working a problem backwards” is how I seem to write. Is that common with ADHD folks?
I should be able to be on time
"I should be able to hold myself accountable" ... for waking up on time, for hitting a deadline, for staying on task at work, for keeping my home clean, you name it.
Mine is “I should be able to provide structure and routine for my kids”. I mean, I’ve never been able to do that for myself, but of course I’m a terrible mother because they don’t eat meals containing all 17 food groups at the exact three times every day, right? It’s hard though, because I’ve craved routine my entire life and I know they do too, but I just can’t do it. So I just feel guilty, like all the time.
I should be able to get started on the first task and not let it snowball into days and weeks and months and years of putting it off and not getting it started or done already